Broken and Spilled Out

"Broken and Spilled Out" is a title to a song that came out when I was about 3 by a guy named Steve Green.  If you're a church kid of the 80's, I bet your parents loved him as much as mine.

This entry isn't really about the song, but it has been on loop in my mind for the last week. 

You see, a couple weeks ago we were expecting our second child and now we are not.  I've been struggling with the fact that I feel God pressing on me to blog about it.  I keep getting this tap on my shoulder and He'd lay a thought on my heart to share.  This is just so personal and part of me didn't even want to talk about it with those that are closest to me because it would make it more real.  So, I am going to share my experience.  The reason I started this blog was to help mothers and those who long to be mothers.  Miscarriage is a such a brutal part of motherhood and I am still raw from it.

It's a little graphic, but the theme in my house for the last week and half has been "blood."

We drove up to Dallas for Easter weekend and while we were there, I was having a lot of back pain, but chalked it up to just a lot of running around.  I starting feeling crampy, but I had felt that way when I was pregnant with my daughter at the same stage of pregnancy, and just brushed it off...not mentioning it to anyone for fear of speaking what might be happening into truth...like I had any control of that!  I can only thank God for letting us celebrate Easter and getting back to Killeen before it all unfolded.  I thought I was 9 weeks pregnant and people were still giving us congratulatory hugs and my heart was still soaring.  In God's tender mercy, He let us soak up time with people we love and visit our old church, The Village that we love and miss.  With Easter comes a lot of soul searching.  The songs and message about Christ's gruesome death and glorious resurrection shake me where I stand.  I do love Christmas.  The hope in that child ... but Easter celebrates the completion of what Christ came to do and reminds me of what sacrifice truly is and how nothing I can do, or will ever have can save me or make me whole.  Only Him.  The spotless lamb who willingly gave himself up for the glory of His name.  The Bloody.Horrific.Tragic.Scandalous.Death on a Cross.Covering sins.

So this man...Jesus...he knows my pain, having bore it.
     
On the 3 hour drive home, the pain became harder to ignore.  I asked God who made me and my baby, who knew my pain, to lift it, and quickly.  He would answer that.  Just not how I'd hoped.  Right before we got home I told Tim I was hurting.  Right after we got home I had to tell him I was bleeding.  Some texts went out and prayers went up as we went to the hospital late in the afternoon for a blood draw.  I would have to wait till the next day to get results and an ultrasound.

A lot of people say that words are futile at time like that, but I was greatly encouraged by my close family and friends.  I knew statistics and stories.  This was not uncommon.  However, I also know myself and the last week or so I had been down.  Something had changed and I kept telling myself that it was hormones.  I was short-tempered, worrisome, and not myself.  I'd look in the mirror and think that my glow was gone then shrug it away.  I also couldn't get my step dad out of my mind.  He passed a little over 2 years ago and I just kept wondering what he was doing.  Wishing he was still here...missing him.  I thought I was carrying my baby, but perhaps he was carrying him up on his shoulders in those moments.  He liked to do that.

That night I took everyone's advice and just put my feet up.  All the while sweating through the fact that part of me knew that come November, I wouldn't be bringing home a soft little baby bundled in a blanket.

Tim and I with our 14 month old daughter waited for what seemed like an eternity to see a doctor.  I lay there on the exam table asking for a miracle and God lifted my chin and directed my gaze to my intuitive, stunningly beautiful, healthy, smart, funny miracle.  She was staring right at me.  "There's one, right there," God said.  Tim and I tried 4.5 years for Lily Sue and we got her just when we were supposed to.  Sometimes I think in my infinite pride that I was the one who created my daughter.  I was the one who got us pregnant naturally...with all my research and striving.  It certainly didn't hurt.  Those things we implemented were GOOD gifts from God, but it was not me or Tim or herbs or acupuncture.  "It's out of your hands," God whispered.  Peace rested on me in that moment.  The doctor came in and after looking at my blood results, announced with a sweep out of the door that my HCG level was good for 9 weeks and he'd be right back with an ultrasound.

It doesn't matter what a blood test says when an ultrasound shows your baby has no heartbeat.  He said dates could be wrong.  It may be to early to tell, but the baby measured 7 weeks 4 days and you can see a heartbeat at that point.  He scheduled me for another blood draw and ultrasound in the morning, but told me that we should prepare ourselves for a miscarriage.  All of a sudden I wanted to be a jerk and say sarcastically, "yeah. ok," with a dry laugh.  I wanted to punch him in the face, but he was actually very kind and he made Lily smile so I made it home before I got violent.  Tim had to go back to work, Lily wouldn't eat...or nap.  While she was fighting a nap, I got in a fight with some mixing bowls in the middle of unloading the dishwasher.  Throwing things and cursing didn't help or put life on pause.  I had to turn around and pick up the dishes. 

The bleeding and pain progressed pretty rapidly in the hour after Tim left.  I called him to come home and my mom made her way down.  I was laying on our bed, when I heard Tim groan and call out from the living room, "Lily is bleeding!"  I threw off my blanket and ran in.  She had cut her finger on a wooden crate (we think) and there was blood all over her puzzle pieces and the white sofa.  It was such a tiny cut, but she managed to spread it around pretty evenly on the couch.  She didn't even know she was hurt.  So yeah.   Parenting is: and then picture what was happening in my house.  I was losing a child and doctoring another.  I was bandaging her finger and googling how to get blood out of a white ikea sofa.  It worked. 

By the time my mom arrived it was pretty evident the blood work and the ultrasound the next day would be a formality.  Some might say "Oh ye of little faith!"  I knew God could, in any moment bring the bleeding to a halt.  The next day I could see my little baby's heartbeat.  I knew this could happen.  It has for some.  I prayed and hoped it would for us.  I imagined Tim and I sharing the miraculous story to our future son or daughter.  However, who am I to know the future?  Who am I to make proclamations about what God was doing?  There was only one thing I was certain of.  He had it.  Whatever the outcome, it was going to be okay. 

Tim and I spent the next morning at the hospital.  Waiting.  If you ever want a taste of what government healthcare is like, go hang out at a hospital on a military installation.  That issue is for another day on someone else's blog.

I will not go into details of my physical miscarriage that unfolded during that very long wait.  It was my worst nightmare come to life and I was nothing but a broken woman at that point.

To keep my mind from wandering into despair while we sat in the waiting "room" (I use quotes as it's a larger area than the average house, and full of pregnant army wives), I read.  I started The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler on Easter weekend and wouldn't you know I picked it back up in a section leading into the depiction of the bloodbath that was animal sacrifice.  The law.  We humans just can't keep it.  We are defenseless without a scapegoat.  I had to put it down and ask God, "What's with all the blood?"  I just kept reading.  It's good.  

Once we got to a room and a doctor, my body had almost passed the baby.  Another 5 minutes, and I would have lost him in the waiting room.  Up until the doctor saying the words, "and you're miscarrying now," I prayed and hoped for this child to hang on in there and not come out till November.  It wasn't so and there he (I use "he" only because of grammar rules) was in a plastic cup with a lid.  I couldn't really see him through all the tears and all the blood.  The nurse carried him out of the room to take him to some lab for some tests that don't matter.  I felt panic and regret for letting them carry him away.  I had asked beforehand if I could take the baby home and he (a different doctor than the day before) said, "Take it home?  There's nothing there."  I couldn't even respond at that point.

He left the room for a moment and I told Tim I really wanted to take the baby home.  Our baby's life was gone, but his body wasn't.  Some mommies can't bear to see it and that's okay.  Some mommies don't even know they are passing their baby, it gets flushed away, and that's okay.  Some mommies want to take their baby and have a memorial, and that's okay too.  It should be offered instead of assumed that we don't mind you carrying off a person we've been carrying in our body.  He was not a specimen.  He was not "stuff in a cup" as I heard you call him out in the hall.  He was knit together by God for some purpose.  He didn't get to be in my belly for long, but he is my baby.  He didn't have a name but we called him/her "Apple" because it's our daughter's cutest word.  Now when she says that word, my throat seizes up. 

What I have experienced since that finality has been all over the board, but never anger.  I walked out of the hospital under my husband's arm and what must have been a whole herald of angels because I already had flickers of joy and anticipation for the day when I will get to meet the person who was in the body I then carried in my purse. 

My mom stayed a few more days and she took me to a nearby nursery to see if they might have an apple tree to bury our baby under.  They were all too big and I wanted something we could transplant when we move.  We settled on a fitting Sweet Memory tree with bright purple and white blooms and cascading red and orange berries.  They attract butterflies and smell like bubble gum.

I will never lose the image of my husband down on his knees in his work gloves spreading soil so gently and smoothly around that big planter.  It was so beautiful.  My mom held Lily and I took our "Apple" out of the cup and wiped away the blood from the placenta that was still holding everything together (and so FIRMLY!).  He looked perfect.  He was a whole person at just 7 weeks and 4 days, with little hands and feet and a face.  We could see his soft little spine through his see-through skin.  I could have looked at him forever in wonder.  I had to let him go down into the dirt to nourish the roots of our Sweet Memory.  Not many words could be said at our service, other than Tim's "It's our apple tree."  That sentence is burned on my heart and I hear it every morning when I open the blinds to look at our tree.  I knelt there with bright red blood on my hands clinging to the solid promises of my Savior.  My child was His all along.  The same God who so carefully and miraculously made him come alive in my womb took him back at the exact moment He intended to. 

A few days ago, we gave our very scruffy wirehair dachshund a military haircut.  We nicked him a little and after his bath he ran to the living room and unbeknownst to us, began scratching and rubbing his wound all over our white sofa.  This time we knew what to do and the stains are washed away again.  Kind of a reflection of something, huh?  I know you all think I'm insane having a white sofa, but I don't mind the washing because I love a fresh country cottage.  That night while I rocked my daughter to sleep I had to ask again, "What's with all the blood?"  Immediately, He put these lyrics to a song "Oh Worship the King!" on my lips I hadn't sung in ages:

"Frail children of dust, and feeble as frail,
In thee do we trust, nor find thee to fail;
Thy mercies, how tender, how firm to the end,
Our maker, defender, redeemer, and friend!"

Life is short.  Eternity is long.  I, along with every other person am a fragile, breakable being.  I can do nothing but let God carry me through the mountains and the valleys till the day, I too am put in the ground.

I thought waiting 18/20 weeks was a long time to find out if Lily Sue was a boy or girl.  I don't know how long I will have to wait to find out about Apple (and I pray it's a very long time), but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that whole person who's body is buried in that soil on our patio will be waiting to greet me in Heaven.  I'm still jealous and sad that I am not the one who is caring for him, but the One who holds my life and all life, is holding him.  What a comfort.  What an undeserved miracle of life.

The Journey into SPD

I still vividly remember the day we went in for an annual checkup. My son had a thing about squeezing his arms and, of course, they checked his blood pressure for the first time that day. It undid him. So the rest of his appointment was spent trying to console him and get him to calm back down. The doctor was making friendly banter with the kids...Will I find Cookie Monster in your ear? It works. They laugh. But, when we mentioned some of our concerns with our son, you could actually see the shift in her demeanor as she went straight into doctor mode. A litany of questions followed. The two that I most remember:

-Do tags on his shirt bother him? (Yes.)

-Does he like so snuggle/hug? (Only with me.)

She gave us a referral to see an Occupational Therapist so they could observe him. I left the office feeling more afraid than when we got there. The doctor had just confirmed my fear. There was something different about him that we needed to address.

We had an appointment with an OT at Our Children's House. I have to admit, I was even more afraid when we got there. I felt completely out of my element as I wondered what in the world we were doing here. We were surrounded by children in wheelchairs that couldn't move, some that could barely speak, and some that had various tubes still attached to them. I had NO idea what an OT did, and even less of an idea as to what she might do for us.

Our OT was a woman about my age named Brooke. I am so thankful to have met her and can not imagine a better fit for our family. She observed him for almost an hour and a half, making notes, doing small tests with him. We were still so new to this world, we had no idea what all she was looking for.

At the end of his evaluation, she pulled us into a room and told us that she was noticing some definite sensory behavior and that we would get our evaluation in the following weeks. We did leave that day with a name: Sensory Processing Disorder. I felt shell shocked, still not knowing what was going on and what this meant for my son's development.

When the evaluation finally came, it was so very hard to read it. He was significantly behind in fine motor development. He was four at the time, but had the coordination of a two year old in some areas. It was looking at that paper that broke my heart. What would that mean for the long run? Would he always have challenges? What would that mean for school? My husband has an amazing way of calming me down. He looked at the evaluation as a set of areas where we need to improve, whereas I saw it as everything my child lacked.

At this point we still didn't really know what was going on and what Occupational Therapy would do for him. But we committed to going back and soon began our journey into finding out all we could about Sensory Processing Disorder. I'll continue to share more about our discoveries, challenges, and victories as we made our way into that world.

Life With a Sensory Kiddo

There are secret fears that nag at a mother's heart. It's inevitable. When you've helped create this small being, or chosen them to be your own, you have opened up your heart to a world of joys and fears, triumphs and sorrows. I think parents always have a running dialogue in the back of their minds as they watch their child develop. Is this normal? How are they doing? Is this quirky behavior, or is it something more? Is this a phase?

I am a proud mom to two beautiful children. My precocious, logical daughter, who is never without a book and an observation, is now 8. After a week spent in the NICU after her birth, life and growth have sped right along for her. I also have a superhero in my family who is quite passionate about the difference between good guys and bad guys. He turned 6 in January. It is my superhero that I would like to discuss.

When he was two, we started noticing some behaviors that we thought were just quirks. They were funny, and made us chuckle, and of course, love him even more. His sister got new shoes for Christmas which he immediately took and put on his feet. Even the silver sparkly ones. He wore them ALL the time...at night we would walk in his room and remove them as he slept. We figured it was a phase he would outgrow.

Other quirks began to show up when he turned three. He would only wear khakis, he never wanted to wear shorts, even in the summer in Texas, and he always, ALWAYS had to wear shoes. I remember watching him around his peers at preschool, thinking something was just off. In the back of my heart I felt questions trying to surface that I was not ready to face.

It was in the spring just before his four year check up it became apparent that something might be going on with him. He began to smear, um, pooh, on the walls and into the carpet. I tried talking to him, I tried pleading...asking other moms if their sons were doing things like this. I knew. In my heart, I knew there was something else going on. After the third day in a row of him smearing stuff into the carpet, I remember being on my knees scrubbing it clean, and fear overwhelmed me. I sobbed as I realized out loud, Something is wrong with my son.

I have said it before, and I will say it again: Nothing on earth is as heavy as a mother's heart. When you see an area where your child is delayed, where they aren't thriving, the instinct to protect has a way of forcing you to ask the questions you fear. It pushes you to acknowledge their differences and to take action. You willingly accept the role as an advocate for your child and begin the process of figuring out what is going on and what there is to do about it. My next post will show the beginning of our journey into life with a Super-Sensory-Hero.

Loving Last Place.

For me, the last few months have been like a mini-mester on Life 101.  This mommy-hood thing isn't for a degree, people.  It doesn't stop.  A shadow of the truth of all truths.

Dropping everything (again) and restarting (again) in supporting a husband who joins the army at 30 and then gets you pregnant is like the breaking ground for the shifting tectonic plates of your soul.

Before we got pregnant, the "hierarchy" of my family flip-flopped.  The majority of the time, I put myself first.  This is such a base and broad statement, that I am looking at it and not liking it (mostly because it's true).  This does not mean that I did not have a growing relationship with my husband or friends or family or Jesus.  I know that in all those respects, my relationships blossomed in ways and wilted in ways.  They just could have been so much more ... especially in regards to my God and my husband. 

If you know me, you know that by worldly standards, I am not a "materialistic" person.  Too much literal baggage bothers me.  I like to make old things into new things.  I enjoy simplicity.  I try to invest my time and money in what lasts.   

Being numero uno wasn't about getting and having, it was about deciding and power.  However you put yourself first, it's naturally fun, but it left me unsatisfied and terribly wanting.

A child is not the answer to this or a cure-all, but a daughter was a catalyst for great change in my personal priority pyramid and how I view it altogether.

It began with seeing my body with different eyes.  My body didn't just belong to me anymore.  What I ate, what I read, what I watched - it always mattered.  Now just differently.  I began to pay closer attention to my physical and spiritual reactions to influence of all kinds.  If they were not positive reactions, it was an easy choice to drop them. I also saw my physical body with different eyes.  For the first time in my life I LONGED for my belly to bulge.  I took photos of my abdomen almost every day and sent it to my husband overseas.  This is the same abdomen that months before, I would look at in the mirror and frown because it didn't measure up to the photo-shopped version it was "supposed" to be.  Now, you better believe I used the stretch-mark oils and creams and wasted plenty of worry over what I would end up with after this child had pushed my stomach out farther than I thought humanly possible.  Even amidst the concern about the impending doom of the hanging belly and crinkled skin, I smiled.  This body of mine is a temporary tent.  A tent that got to carry my living, growing child.  No one but her and God know what my heart sounds like from the inside.  That is a gift, and then so are the physical changes.

The way I prayed and the amount of praying changed drastically.  The ramblings I would fill God's ears with about my personal needs faded into pleadings on my knees to keep my baby healthy, and moments of stillness - in awe of his mystery and wonder that was taking place in my life. 

Still in my first trimester, at a midwife appointment, she was having trouble finding the heartbeat with the doppler.  She moved that thing and pushed so hard on my bladder, my ribs, my HIPS!  Nothing.  We took a breather because my blood pressure was rising.  We tried again.  Nothing.  We took another break and she said if she couldn't find it, that I would need an ultrasound.  I prayed like I never had before, or have since, laying on that table with my chest open to the sky.  "Oh Lord!  Take my heart!  Give it to this baby."  My longing to just be a mom was gone.  In it's place was a longing for whoever this person was.  For them to see the sun.  To run, and even scrape their knees.  To keep on being a light in someone's life, not just mine.  To hear their own child's heartbeat.  The midwife came back and seeing that I was falling apart, told me, "Be strong.  You are someone's mother now."  She put that tiny microphone on my tummy, and just like that...there was little Lily Sue's heart.  Beating loud, and soaring strong, right along with mine.  I will never forget that day.  I was changed.  I was so much less of me.

Since then, moment by moment, experience by experience, my self has been emptying.  Not my identity.  I have not lost that.  It's still me, and it's better.  Still the same heart and hobbies and loves.  The proportions have just been shifted ... and although, sometimes I need a day to myself, having myself in last place is the place I find the most joy.  Putting my husband and child's needs before mine does not rob me.  It's rewarding in every way. 

Now, Reader.  Just putting yourself last does not automatically make everything peachy.  You are not the only one in your family.  This doesn't flow very well if you are the one only putting yourself last.  Your husband's position is high in your priorities, just as your position should be in his.  If your husband is putting you before himself, and you are putting him before yourself, then you are secure.  You are taken care of.  You are blessed and free to bless.  Your child - regardless of age is learning this and can only be taught this principle by example.

It goes without saying that a newborn takes so much of your time, you barely have time to breathe.  Lily Sue is a taker.  She was born that way.  She takes our time, our money, our space, our freedom.  I can't tell you the number of times I think about poop on a daily basis.  There is no choice in the position of a baby.  Their needs have to be met first or no one gets any peace whatsoever.  This is why it is so important that you and your spouse take care of one another. 

I do not like numbers.  I do not like ranks.  However in this case, this hierarchy is what will ultimately be the most rewarding.  I think the "I am Second" campaign almost got it right. 

1. God*
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Others
5. Self

*If you do not believe in God and/or do not have a place for him on your list, just put a 1 in front of spouse and keep the rest in order.  I can guarantee that if you do life in this order, God will show up and start throwing a wrench (or wrenchES.  He's persistent) in your list.

If both spouses aren't doing it this way or even in different orders, it will fall apart.  The great thing about this is that even though the ranking lowers, all parties are equally blessed!

You might say, "but my baby has to be fed before my husband."  "My children can't even wipe themselves!"  I am speaking on a different level, here ... your heart.  Their rank in your life.  Deep, at your roots, who should be your guide if not your creator?  And who should be your partner, if not the one your creator has given you?  I am not saying to toss your child on the floor when hubby's on his way - rolling out the red carpet that leads to a beer in a frosty mug next to a steak grilled exactly to his liking.  If you wish to do that (without tossing a kid) wow!  Do it!  Imagine a life where he'd do something equally amazing (like join Pinterest just to look at your boards - yes my husband is this awe-inspiring).  Most days here with a 1 year old, Tim comes home to a wife wearing one of his T-shirts with some kind of food on it, her hair is in a messy bun, and down on the floor WITH the baby.  No red carpet, today buddy...and hey, you said you liked me scrubby, so enjoy.  Doesn't mean his place in my heart is less.  He has made a way for me to be on the floor with the baby all day.  He comes home and scoops her up and makes her laugh.  For me, this is gold.  The two of them together in the same country, under the same roof, looking at a book while I make them dinner is more than I ever deserve.  My hair can wait ... along with the laundry.

So, this is my time to myself.  My daughter is taken care of, and I can plug into my outlet.  It's naptime, and here I sit.  Looking down at my toes that have the last bit of purple polish from when I was in a wedding 3 months ago.  I've been meaning to get after it with some remover.  Just haven't found the time for myself.  My toes really need some attention before sandal season (which, in Texas is basically every season.  Why do I put my spring and summer away?  It's February and it's shorts weather).  I'll take some time and get a pedicure soon ... and I'll think how Tim gives a better foot massage and wonder how much Lily Sue will like the color.  Or maybe I will save the money and just do it myself.  Maybe go visit my mom and we can do eachother's toes.  I look forward to doing that with my daughter someday.  All these people.  They give me more and mean more to me than me.

So I hope you will try out settling into last place.  See how it fits.  I think you might end up seeing more of God in you ... and that is the prize in this race, after all.

Conceiving Naturally - Against the Odds - Finding the Right Doctor

So, I've been slacking on the blog.  Thanks for still following.  Lately my online activities have been strictly inboxes, pictures, iChatting with the hub, and oh yes...Pinterest.  Oh my law.  I feel creative just looking at everyone else's creativity.

Diving back into the Conceiving Naturally Series.  Here is what we've covered/will cover:

Series Intro
1. Prayer and Submission
2. Finding the Right Doctor (you're on it!)
3. The Role of Hormones
4. Diet - Hers
5. Diet - His
6. Herbs, Extracts, and Supplements
7. Exercise
8. Chiropractic
9. Acupuncture
10. Massage
11. Timing: Ovulation Calculators, Ovulation Predictor Test Kits, and the Rhythm Method
12. The Fun in Trying :)

So very many Doctors.  How in the world does one find the "right one?"  I don't have the perfect answer for you because we each have different desires and things that are most important to us when it comes to our health.  This step was a snap for me because I got a great recommend.  You would think in DFW metroplex, one would have a superfluous amount of choices when it comes to a doctor ... nope.  Not when it comes to finding an MD or DO that prescribes holistically first ... it's feels a little like looking for a republican in Portland.  In fact if you google "republican in portland" your computer will crash.  If you don't "know a guy who knows a guy" then google is your friend.  Here are some helpful searches:

-Holistic Doctors (your town) - Natural Doctors (your town) - Doctors who prescribe supplements (your town) - Holistic MD or DO (your town)

If you want to venture off the MD/DO territory and see a ND (Naturopathic Doctor) well alright!  I think googling "ND (your town)" goes without saying.

These searches will most likely lead you to some sites that have reviews and ratings.

Sometimes finding the guy who knows the guy is easier (and better) than finding the guy via the world wide web of confusion.  If you don't have a chiropractor, I suggest getting one.  Chiropractic is a step we will cover later and they usually know and refer patients to other doctors who have similar philosophies.  Other sources would be massage or acupuncture clinics, and health food stores.  Even small mom-and-pop health food store owners and employees can be a HUGE help.  Most of them I come across have been around town longer than your friendly Whole Foods Market and are staples in the community.  They have history, therefore, they know people.  Just ask.  They love what they do and will love to help you.  I can almost guarantee it.

If you live in a small town with like 1 doctor who hasn't even heard of Centrum Silver ... well my advice to you would be to put some mileage on the ol' tractor.  Your health is worth it. 

Once you have found one you think might be a good fit, you probably want to go in for a consultation before turning your arm over and letting them into your veins.  You can bring a list of questions if your memory doesn't serve you correctly.  Treat it like an interview.  You know what you want.  Don't be shy about asking where they stand on it.  Better to not to be surprised a couple months later when they suggest a new drug that they've only tested on mice that snakes wouldn't even eat.

Dr. Nina Cahan in Coppell, TX is who I ended up hiring as my doctor.  That's right.  You're the boss.  They work for you.  You have a choice and you don't have to settle on any old candidate just because they have initials after their name.  She showed me her closet of supplements that she prescribes and I swooned.

I think it best not to put words in your mouth, so I will just advise you to make a "conception" plan like you would make for the birth of your baby.  I don't think I'd be putting words in your mouth by saying the obvious question to ask is at one point the Dr. suggests medical intervention, and what kind.  What steps have you, and will you take before you consider this?  Will you consider this at all?  Sit down with your husband and discuss what's important to you both, and what you would like to ask.  I suggest your husband go with you to the doctor as much as possible in regards to conceiving and when you do get pregnant, it is important for him to go with you to your prenatal appointments.  Here at Super Natural Mommy, we love and support the daddies too.  It's not all about you.  This is an important lesson to learn as soon as possible ... especially once you are a parent.  You are in this together.  The savior has already been born, so pretty sure yours won't be an immaculate conception.  Just sayin'.  I mean, she was carrying God incarnate and she was still given a husband.  Their voice matters and the more that sinks into your soul, the more supernatural you will be.

Okay.  You're ready.  Go find that Dr. you can put some trust in.  If at any point they start venturing off into an area you aren't comfortable with, speak up.  Don't compromise your health.  If they suggest something you hadn't planned on doing, research it.  Think/pray about it and tell them you are doing so.  If you have conflicting views on something you just can't budge on, see if they will come to your side to see how it works out.  It may give them time to research it too.  Newsflash, you aren't perfect and neither is your doctor.  It should be a working relationship based on mutual respect.  If it isn't.  Seek another.

Go to the next section: The Role of Hormones

0-4 Month Must Haves

I've been on hiatus.  Tim-Daddy came home from Korea for a visit, so I took some time off ... aaaaaand 2 trips to the ER.  I electrocuted my left hand unplugging something, then 2 weeks later went back because I thought I had possibly broken or fractured my left hand.   Word to the wise:  Take baby OUT of walker before lowering the level.  Thankfully, nothing was broken...just a "crushing injury" which caused a contusion.  L smiled and laughed at me the entire time I paced and moaned till my Mom came home from work to take me to the hospital.  They gave me pain meds, which I only took 1 night.  The next time we hang out, be sure to ask me how that went if you would like a good laugh.

I was asked recently if I might make a list of newborn must haves.  So, aside from the obvious things like air, food, and love...these are the things I have come across that make life with a new baby much easier.  Before you go clicking and purchasing, be sure to join Amazon Mom to get free Prime shipping.  So here are my "must-haves" as they came to mind.

Boppy - I used this all day every day in L's first few months.  Great when you're feeding, rocking, gazing, etc... L is 6 months now and now I use it as support for sitting up - around her front or back.

 

Pack n Play - I opted not to get a bassinet since this had a basket that raised her up.  I thought I'd have it next to my bed, but she and I both slept just fine with her in her nursery.  I am not a total opponent of co-sleeping, but I do have reservations about the safety of it.  There are contraptions out there that prevent co-sleeping incidents and I'd encourage you to get one if you will be co-sleeping.  I have heard enough tragic stories as a result of co-sleeping (and one tragedy should be enough).  Tim and I agreed we wanted our bed to remain a marriage bed.  Of course, there are exceptions to this rule when you take monsters and thunderstorms into consideration.  You have to do what works for your family, but I would stress that safety come first.  For a time, I had the pack n play in her nursery up against the crib because it was easier on my back to lay her in it than the crib.  It is GREAT for the obvious benefits of traveling...not to mention play time/stretching out in a safe environment clear of foot (and paw) traffic.



Swing/Bouncy Seat -L had reflux so she slept in her swing and her bouncy seat a lot.  They have been like little portable miracles for me when I've needed to get something important done...like showering for instance.  This is a key to my sanity.  L's bouncy seat has dangley toys and plays music.  She got to practice hand-eye coordination while I got a little "me time" ... if being in the same room, while playing peek-a-boo with the shower curtain constitutes as "me time." They were both life-savers until recently.  Now they lay in the graveyard of L's entertainment.  May they rest in peace until the next little one.




Changing Pad Liners - I love my pretty & soft changing pad covers.  I do NOT love it when pee-pee or poo-poo gets on it.  These are great and can double as a burp cloth.  They come in all sizes and brands, but there is one kind that has a rolled seam around the edge and after washing they no longer lay flat on the changing pad.  The plastic liner also separates from the material.  Something like the link below is inexpensive and easy to fold.



Bumbo Seat - With or Without the tray, I think the Bumbo seat is superb.  It surrounds L completely and opened her eyes to the beauty of sitting up.  Get the tray, and this can be your portable "high chair."  Do not leave your baby in Bumbo unattended.  Check out this link for all the purdy color options.




Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron - Everything you need to know about feeding your baby.



Snap and Go Carseat/Stroller Combo (Extra base for carseat) - I think there might be a brand called Snap and Go, but I am not saying you should get that one...not saying you shouldn't.  Don't know anything about it.  There are many many brands of all designs and colors.  We got a CityMini Stroller and an attachment to snap the carseat onto.  Oh so very, very easy.  Probably a good idea to get an extra base if your wee one rides in more than one car regularly.

Baby Wrap or Carrier - There are endless options when it comes to baby wearing.  I think I may have tried them all.  I finally found one that felt comfortable for both of us.  The woman who makes them has 5 kiddos and 1 on the way.  She knows baby wearing.  Here's her Etsy shop.

Digital Bath Thermometer -I don't trust my hands to test the water since I can take a lot of heat.  This neat little guy takes the worry out of getting bath ready - beeps when the water gets too cold or too hot...and a fun toy too :)


Bottle warmer - A lot of people say this is a luxury item.  It's been a must-have for me.  I've taken the baby on 2 road trips and didn't leave home without it.  Since L had reflux, her bottle being warmed helped.  It's a known fact that you should not microwave your baby's milk/formula/food because of hotspots and harmful/unhealthy radiation.  Bottle warmers do it fast and come with a handy dandy guide on type of bottle, amt, and how much water to put it.  Put it in, change a diaper, boom - bottle's ready.  I went through a couple cheaper warmers that burnt out.  This one has been superior to those.  You can warm baby food jars in it as well.




Sheet Savers or Crib Bib- This goes along the same lines as the changing pad liners.  Who wants to change a crib sheet in the middle of the night?!?  I love my homemade (not by me though) cute crib sheets and didn't want to cover them up with those plain full sheet covers that snap.  Get at least a couple of these.



Sound Machine - Oh muh gush.  This is vital.  VITAL!  Babies are used to a rushing sound when they are in the womb and my baby had to have it outside the womb to sleep.  It drowns out doors and dogs and general goings-ons.  I personally sleep with a sound machine, so hers coming through on the baby monitor works for me.



Speaking of...   
Baby Monitor - So very very many out there.  Sometimes I wish I would have gotten the video monitor.  L's nursery door sticks and I do NOT like peeking in to check.  Here's the one I got.



Aden and Anais Swaddlers - So easy to swaddle in these very soft blankets AND they are breathable so baby doesn't overheat.  Your baby should wear something/be covered similar to what you are comfortable sleeping in.  A sweaty baby is no bueno.



Breast Pump - Breast is best, so pump it up ladies.  Freeze and store for when you're on the go or when someone else needs to feed your precious one.  I rented the hospital grade pump to try to get my milk to let down since it's got super suction.  It never happened, but if it had - you bet I'd be pumping right now while I blog :)  While you're at it, get a pumping bra.  I was attached to the pump for 6 weeks and the bra allowed me to multi-task.



There you have it!  I am sure there are many more gadgets and doo-dads out there that have been life-savers for you Mommies.  We'd love to hear them!

If You Vaccinate, Ask 8 (Part 2)

In the first section, I listed the 8 questions you should ask yourself prior to vaccinating (or not vaccinating) as suggested by the NVIC. Now let's delve into these questions a little deeper...some deeper than others, so forgive me as I begin out of order.

8) Do I know I have a right to make an informed choice?

Let's start with exemptions!

I've come across many people who think that their child can't get into school if they haven't had their shots. This is simply untrue. There are exemptions available to parents who choose not to vaccinate but still enroll their child in school. Each state dictates which exemptions are available in that particular state. The process typically requires you to contact the state for these exemption forms and then have them signed by the parent and notarized by a notary public prior to being turned into the school in which your child is enrolled. Public schools are required to acknowledge and accept these exemption forms, private schools are not.

First is the medical exemption. If your child has a past history of vaccine reaction or he/she has an underlying disease or illness that would increase the risk of vaccine reaction, your child's pediatrician or family doctor (including D.O.s) may be willing to give you a written medical exemption to bypass having to have further vaccinations. Since medical doctors are highly influenced by drug/vaccine manufacturers and procedures passed down for generations in medical school, this is possibly the most difficult exemption to obtain. All 50 states have medical exemption to vaccination.

Next is the philosophical exemption. This is based on your personal or conscientious beliefs in regards to vaccination. In most cases, you must object to all vaccines, not just a select few. Only 18 states have philosophical exemptions to vaccination.

Finally, there is a religious exemption. In most cases, this exemption does not even require you to state what religion you are, but just that it is against your religious beliefs that your child is vaccinated. Some states require a signed affidavit from a pastor or spiritual advisor that affirms the parents' sincere religious belief about vaccination. California, Mississippi, and West Virginia are the only states who DO NOT have religious exemption to vaccination.

Some states also allow proof of immunity as reason to exempt your child from a specific vaccination. Independent laboratories can draw blood and analyze it for antibody levels for a particular illness. For example, if your child has had chicken pox prior to entering school and you choose not to give your child the chicken pox vaccine, rather than obtaining one of the three exemption forms listed above, you can have blood drawn and analyzed to show that your child has high enough antibodies to chicken pox that natural immunity has been obtained.

Later, I'll go even further with information that will help you make an informed decision....vaccine ingredients, the concept of herd immunity, and the manufacturing and marketing of vaccines.